Are Friendships Forever?

I have always believed that friendships should not end, so I have never ended one. Some of my friendships simply fade away, some fade away forever, while others return stronger after a few months or years with little or no communication. I sometime mourn once close friendships even though I know that we all grow, sometimes in different directions. Sometimes I get nostalgic and call someone that I have not spoken to in 10 years and after 15 minutes, I remember why. In other cases, we both realize how much we have grown and changed in the passing years - after 10 year, the fact that I missed a significant life event, or didn't like a now former boyfriend, or gave criticism when empathy was needed, all seems insignificant.

Friendships sometimes change due to a major life event such as marriage, children or embarking on a new career. A recently read a wonderful article in More magazine about a woman who adopted 2 wonderful children at age 55. Her friend just frankly told her that she thought that she was making a bad choice adopting at her age and didn't want to stick around to hear about the challenges of raising kids. As a mom of three boys under 6, I am very familiar with how "diaper talk" can scare away friends without children, or how the nesting stage of marriage can scare away single friends.  These are the friend who slowly return after they get married or start to have their own children or just become more confident in their own life choices.

Have you ever had a friend who you loved but was just not the right friend for your current situation. Maybe you were changing religion and that person could not provide the support that you needed, or you pack up the family and move to a new city and your friend can't understand your choice, or you decided to quit school and travel the world and needed to take a break from the friendship to avoid the disapproving comments.  We all have these challenges that can either result in momentary breaks in friendships or long term rifts.  If you take a temporary break, it is possible to come full circle and have an even stronger friendship.

We all have a deep need to connect with each other. I still believe that friendship is forever, even when it ends or fades away.   When a friend enters our lives,  he or she touches our hearts, minds, and soul in a special way and whether they remain a constant in our lives or they change course, their imprint remains. Today as I make my Sunday phone calls, I will call a friend that I have not spoken to in a few years and see if the absence has made our hearts grow fonder.

Autherine @ www.resolutionsforwomen.org.

For the Love of a Pissy Cat

He was a gift from a dear friend. He came to me at a time when I had surgery, was getting my life together after a long term relationship ended and I needed a friend. I named him Rudy, short for “rude boy,” a popular term in Jamaican culture. I treated him like my first child. I fed him, hugged him when he would let me, changed his litter and sometimes he even slept in my bed. Then came the kids and my focus shifted. He grudgingly lurked in the shadows of my life as my primary focus became baby no 1, then 2, then 3. He acted out many times, often showing his displeasure by leaving nice “presents” for me in my shoes, my purse, my sofa and even my bed. Still we are together, Rudy and I. I have been asked on occasion, “why don’t you get rid of that pissy cat.” Well, he is like a member of the family to me; at 12, he would be considered an elderly relative that I treasure. The way I was brought up, when your relatives get old, you don’t send them away, they move in with you, until death do you part. Pets teach us love and responsibility. They take us through the cycle of life by preparing us to be good parents and eventually how to take care of an elderly parent, if the need arises. 

There are so many thing that I love about Rudy.  I love that he is temperamental and aloof; he gives love to those who love him and has disdain for those who are not "cat" people. He focuses on getting his basic needs met. He is not needy, he loves the great outdoors, even though he is an indoor cat.  Just when I think that he doesn’t care, he shows up and rub on my legs or sit comfortably next to my feet just to let me know that he still loves me. He holds a grudge. When his litter bin isn’t clean enough, he pees in my shoes and my purse; it takes great skill to do that. He loves wet cat food and he can hear the can opening a mile away.

Recently, I rushed Rudy to the hospital because he was bitten by an animal.  I wasn't sure if it was a wild cat or snake but it was a nasty bite. We become reflective and sentimental when we almost lose someone that we love, which is why some who is famous for not being sentimental is trying to wax  poetic about a cat. A friend once complained that people spent too much time loving animals when they should be loving humans - there is room in our hearts to do both.  Rudy and I have made it through over 10 years of the rollercoaster of life, including 3 moves, 3 babies, 4 job changes, boyfriends that he liked, boyfriends that he hated instantly, a husband who is allergic to him, and boys who pull his tail.  He pick something that I love to piss on everytime that he is upset with me, including my resume right before an important job interview. I have been told that I can put him on Prozac to stop the bad behavior but that is the way that we communicate and I really hope that he will be my pissy cat for another 10 years.

Rethinking Good Study Habits

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"Varying the type of material studied in a single sitting — alternating, for example, among vocabulary, reading and speaking in a new language — seems to leave a deeper impression on the brain than does concentrating on just one skill at a time. " This is a new theory put forth to disprove all the others that we have been relying on to help our children learn.  http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/07/health/views/07mind.html. Soon there will be another article disproving this one. I find that there is some value in most studies, and the more tools that we have to help our children learn the better they will perform in school.  Every child learns differently, so read with a cautious eye and employ the method that will best suit your child. 


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Dads - Both sons and daughters need you.

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Just read a curious article that stated that having a son will reduce the likelihood of divorce. I am a fan of anything that will prolong marriage so if having a son helps, that is a good thing. I am worried that this infers that girls just are not as valued a boys. A father should give as much care to the thought of walking away for a daughter as he would to a son. I can't overstate the need for a dad in a young girl's life - beauty and status in life should be the least of a father's concern.  Every morning, my boys wake up and if they see dad, they say "where is Mommy", and if they see Mommy, they say "where is Daddy?". I certainly hope that Mommy and Daddy will never be further than the next room.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/201009/why-does-having-son-reduce-the-likelihood-divorce

Dangers of Psychosis Drugs for the Young

Young children, especially boys are being medicated with alarming frequency. A New York Times article highlights the story of Kyle Warren, a boy who was given psychotic drugs from he was 18 months to 3 years old. After many incorrect diagnosis and years of taking medication usually reserved for adults, he was admitted into a program that got him off the drugs and gave him the counseling that he needed.

Both the article and the comments are informative and a wake up call for parents, especially parents of boys. Visit the links below for more information.

Dangers of Psychosis Drugs for the Young: 

 http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/02/business/02kids.html

Can Preschoolers be Depressed?

 http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/29/magazine/29preschool-t.html

The Medicated Child: 

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/medicatedchild/view/